Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
I want to do my dissertation on the 5 second rule
According to Marc Abrahams' book The Man Who Tried to Clone Himself Jillian Clarke actually researched the 5 second rule. Her conclusion...it safe in some instances. Some high traffic areas in schools or offices that are mopped often contain almost no kooties. She also discovered that more kooties are absorbed when food falls on smooth surfaces like tile.
Jillian Clarke won the Ig Nobel Prize for this ground breaking research. Guess how old she was?
Give up...16. Now it makes sense.
Jillian Clarke won the Ig Nobel Prize for this ground breaking research. Guess how old she was?
Give up...16. Now it makes sense.
Rock and Roll created by illuminati Satanist
The weirdest (and most entertaining) stuff comes up when you type Satan into YouTube.
Satan is in your fertilizer and Pokemon
Triangles are satanic
To end on a positive note:
Satan is in your fertilizer and Pokemon
Triangles are satanic
To end on a positive note:
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Unsatisfying sex life and being "good Christians" leads woman to throw dog
ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE
Yes this is a true news article and I did not change a thing
SILVERDALE
Highly intoxicated and dissatisfied with her sex life, a 28-year-old woman was arrested Tuesday for stealing her husband's wallet and later assaulting the deputy who booked her into jail.
The meltdown, which deputies witnessed along with the couple's 3- and 4-year-old children, started when the husband, 24, had told his wife they had three hours to quit smoking, drinking, swearing and engaging in some sex acts because "they were going to be good Christians now," the woman said.
The man said she had woken him up to have relations, but then became disappointed and angry.
Kitsap County deputies were called to the apartment on the 11800 block of Majestic Lane NW at 2:38 a.m. after a neighbor overheard yelling, crying and slamming doors, the report said.
When deputies arrived, the woman denied any assault had taken place, and repeatedly, without sparing a vulgar euphemism, told the deputies about how unsatisfied she was with her sex life — some of the time carrying around a half-gallon of whiskey while doing so.
During an argument with one of the deputies, the woman picked up the family's 20-pound dog and threw it at the deputy, who caught it, the report said.
The deputies convinced the couple to separate for the night, and the man said he was taking their children to a hotel. But the 28-year-old returned to the apartment and took her husband's wallet, military identification card and keys.
The woman resisted being arrested for theft — her screams were described as "blood-curdling" by one of the deputies. The deputy who drove the woman to jail reported she questioned his manhood, asked God to forgive him because "he knows not what he does," and "donkey-kicked" him in the shin while he attempted to walk her from his patrol car to the jail, reports said.
She was booked for second-degree theft and third-degree assault.
Yes this is a true news article and I did not change a thing
SILVERDALE
Highly intoxicated and dissatisfied with her sex life, a 28-year-old woman was arrested Tuesday for stealing her husband's wallet and later assaulting the deputy who booked her into jail.
The meltdown, which deputies witnessed along with the couple's 3- and 4-year-old children, started when the husband, 24, had told his wife they had three hours to quit smoking, drinking, swearing and engaging in some sex acts because "they were going to be good Christians now," the woman said.
The man said she had woken him up to have relations, but then became disappointed and angry.
Kitsap County deputies were called to the apartment on the 11800 block of Majestic Lane NW at 2:38 a.m. after a neighbor overheard yelling, crying and slamming doors, the report said.
When deputies arrived, the woman denied any assault had taken place, and repeatedly, without sparing a vulgar euphemism, told the deputies about how unsatisfied she was with her sex life — some of the time carrying around a half-gallon of whiskey while doing so.
During an argument with one of the deputies, the woman picked up the family's 20-pound dog and threw it at the deputy, who caught it, the report said.
The deputies convinced the couple to separate for the night, and the man said he was taking their children to a hotel. But the 28-year-old returned to the apartment and took her husband's wallet, military identification card and keys.
The woman resisted being arrested for theft — her screams were described as "blood-curdling" by one of the deputies. The deputy who drove the woman to jail reported she questioned his manhood, asked God to forgive him because "he knows not what he does," and "donkey-kicked" him in the shin while he attempted to walk her from his patrol car to the jail, reports said.
She was booked for second-degree theft and third-degree assault.
Monday, May 5, 2008
YouTube makes people stupid
So I attended a get together this past Sunday, when a drunk guest decided to tell me about a car that could run on water. When I voiced my skepticism he insisted on my e-mail address so he could convince me. He then sent me this link to the YouTube video that would change my mind:
You have got to be fucking kidding. Not only does this story reek of bullshit, it was shoveled to you by Fox. The guy in the video is Denny Klein, and he has his own company and is seeking getting investors to assist in this miracle of science.
I did a little digging and found out that his car uses electrolysis to separate hydrogen (H) from oxygen (O) in water. Alright, nothing new or cutting edge there. I would agree that doing this will allow you to use the H and O to drive your car, but there is one problem...it takes energy to separate the H from the O. You can't just dump water in a tank and expect it to go, this car has to create it's own fuel and that takes ahhhhh fuel. So your not getting anything for free like they would like you to believe. You would have to get a battery, or plug it into the wall to start and keep the system going. In fact if you do the math, you are negative in the energy dept.
The now sober guest, attempted to give credence to the invention by sending me another link that showed his design has been patented. Well, ok, a lot of stupid crap has patents, doesn't mean it works. There is a hole show dedicated to stupid ass patents and how their suckyness..it's called patent bending.
When I inform him of this, we get to the real heart of the matter...Conspiracy. He claims Denny Klein is dead and the oil companies, government, and many others feared him and his magic water. I won't bore you with the rest, but he did go on and on and on. I have no idea if he is dead, and frankly don't care. I find it difficult to argue with someone who mind is full of conspiracy theories. To me it's like arguing with fundamentalists, they always have the stupid ass trump card.
The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. Harlan Ellison
You have got to be fucking kidding. Not only does this story reek of bullshit, it was shoveled to you by Fox. The guy in the video is Denny Klein, and he has his own company and is seeking getting investors to assist in this miracle of science.
I did a little digging and found out that his car uses electrolysis to separate hydrogen (H) from oxygen (O) in water. Alright, nothing new or cutting edge there. I would agree that doing this will allow you to use the H and O to drive your car, but there is one problem...it takes energy to separate the H from the O. You can't just dump water in a tank and expect it to go, this car has to create it's own fuel and that takes ahhhhh fuel. So your not getting anything for free like they would like you to believe. You would have to get a battery, or plug it into the wall to start and keep the system going. In fact if you do the math, you are negative in the energy dept.
The now sober guest, attempted to give credence to the invention by sending me another link that showed his design has been patented. Well, ok, a lot of stupid crap has patents, doesn't mean it works. There is a hole show dedicated to stupid ass patents and how their suckyness..it's called patent bending.
When I inform him of this, we get to the real heart of the matter...Conspiracy. He claims Denny Klein is dead and the oil companies, government, and many others feared him and his magic water. I won't bore you with the rest, but he did go on and on and on. I have no idea if he is dead, and frankly don't care. I find it difficult to argue with someone who mind is full of conspiracy theories. To me it's like arguing with fundamentalists, they always have the stupid ass trump card.
The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. Harlan Ellison
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Barbies breasts were designed by a missle engineer Jack Ryan
Barbie was created in the late 1950s and was the eras ideal American woman. Her boobs stood tall for freedom and democracy. She reminded a nations young female populous that they need to be womanly with no ambiguity about it. It is ok to be unnaturally tall with out enough girth to have a period. Having a gross misinterpretation of you figure, getting married, buying a house, and keeping that plastic smile is the American way.
Is that a Sparrow missile in your shirt or is it just cold in here?
Is that a Sparrow missile in your shirt or is it just cold in here?
My family frightened the chaplin
A Chaplin came into my Grandfathers room to speak with him and the family. I was not there, but apparently one of my aunts informed him, firmly, of our families dedication to non belief. He was seen leaving the room in a hurry....never to return.
On Monday, my Grandfather had a burst of lucidity. We called the nurse for something and when she came into the room he awoke, grabbed the nurse call and t.v. remote, placed it on it's end and between his legs. She asked if everything was alright, he said grinning, looking at his crotch, it is now. She laughed and told him he was a mess. It is nice to know that when he becomes alert his first thought is to sexually harass the nursing staff.
Monday night my mother, covertly, brought in his favorite drink, peppermint schnapps. It became a game to hide it from the nurses, chill it and give it to him. He always had a glass before bed.
Last night my uncle got in from England..and we all took turns to tell him our goodbyes, privately. All of us thought, everyone has seen him so he can finally go. It had been explained and documented that he was not to be resuscitated. That night, he got his breathing treatment. Afterward he began coughing and turning blue. The nurse put him on some sort of breathing apparatus to keep him alive. They called my mom, she hit the roof. Soooo, when we want him to live they overdose him on narcotics, when he is ready to die they do everything they can to keep him around. They just can't make us happy.
We moved him today to the most wonderful place, hospice house. It is for those who need hospice care but getting at their house is not an option. The room is huge, the staff really does give a shit, they have a full size kitchen and kitchenettes throughout the facility, no pictures of jesus, wifi, will chill and serve him his schnapps, he can eat ice cream 24/7 (he loves ice cream), and they will let him die without suffering and on the families terms. I felt so at peace there. I have this weird desire to grow giant arms and hug the entire building.
On Monday, my Grandfather had a burst of lucidity. We called the nurse for something and when she came into the room he awoke, grabbed the nurse call and t.v. remote, placed it on it's end and between his legs. She asked if everything was alright, he said grinning, looking at his crotch, it is now. She laughed and told him he was a mess. It is nice to know that when he becomes alert his first thought is to sexually harass the nursing staff.
Monday night my mother, covertly, brought in his favorite drink, peppermint schnapps. It became a game to hide it from the nurses, chill it and give it to him. He always had a glass before bed.
Last night my uncle got in from England..and we all took turns to tell him our goodbyes, privately. All of us thought, everyone has seen him so he can finally go. It had been explained and documented that he was not to be resuscitated. That night, he got his breathing treatment. Afterward he began coughing and turning blue. The nurse put him on some sort of breathing apparatus to keep him alive. They called my mom, she hit the roof. Soooo, when we want him to live they overdose him on narcotics, when he is ready to die they do everything they can to keep him around. They just can't make us happy.
We moved him today to the most wonderful place, hospice house. It is for those who need hospice care but getting at their house is not an option. The room is huge, the staff really does give a shit, they have a full size kitchen and kitchenettes throughout the facility, no pictures of jesus, wifi, will chill and serve him his schnapps, he can eat ice cream 24/7 (he loves ice cream), and they will let him die without suffering and on the families terms. I felt so at peace there. I have this weird desire to grow giant arms and hug the entire building.
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